Skip to content
22 February 2019 / Ranjana

Week 22 – Uncomfortable and changes!

It is already week 22 of the MKE. And what I notice of myself: old subby is in the way since a week or so. And what a difference when I don’t do the work and when I do the work! When I don’t do the work – reading, sitting, writing, affirming- I feel the same quiet desperation what the reason was to start the MKE. And when I do the work- even it is only 1 “round” immediately the feeling of “YES LIFE HERE I AM” is back!

The difference is enormously! So I am picking up the good work again. Reading, sitting, affirming, writing, being grateful, more aware of the joy etc etc.  When old subby is in charge, there is this lousy feeling, feeling bored, a don’t know what to do, the things I promised myself to do.. are not happening. I -old subby- feel disconnected. And old subby is projecting its negative emotions on others and everything else.

And when I notice, I start doing Law of forgiveness to the Future Me. And to others. And that helps! I noticing also another habit: the habit I have to do everything all by myself in stead of doing things together. Yes, I ask for help but then I am not making decisions. There is somewhat a “blur”.

What do I really want? One day it feels like I am on my way to DMP. Next day I am not sure about my DMP.  I know how I want to feel ,but what do I want to do?  Things are moving inside of me. My home doesn’t feel like my home anymore. I want to move to another city. My partner and I will live on our own after living together now for 2 years. We feel like being alone more. So..things are changing.. and it feels good and also somehow uncomfortable.

So…change. Big changes. So.. again I am asking myself: what do I want? My DMP is still not clear. My guide Megan is suggesting some great stuff, but I am not sure what to do. Maybe that is what is most in the way: old subby who tells itself, it doesn’t know what it wants and it tells itself “he” HAS to know it. This is not a good position! 😉

Or is there anything else going on? Do I have a blind spot here? If yes, please help me out!

Warm regards, Ranjana Hubach


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: